(no subject)

[alex_beecroft]

I bought “How to Write A Sizzling Synopsis” by Bryan Cohen recently and read it yesterday at a coffee shop, where I had gone because I felt too ill to actually go into the gym even though I’d come into town to do just that.

It’s quite a short book, with large text, and normally I come out of these ‘how to’ writing books with the feeling that I’ve had maybe one sentence-worth of good advice after having read 100 pages of blather. But this one is really good, and I think quite worthwhile. I’ve taken on board most of its suggestions and re-written some of my book blurbs, in the hope that more people will be moved to buy my books. For example:

Under the Hill

Old Blurb

Voted Best multicultural fantasy of 2013 by the Swirl Awards, and now presented in one volume, Under the Hill is a contemporary fantasy adventure story featuring dragons, elves and world war two fighter planes.

Targeted for abduction by the Faerie Queen, Ben Chaudhry reluctantly turns to Chris Gatrell and his eccentric Paranormal Defence Agency for help.

But it’s hard to keep anything out of the snatching hands of determined elves. Chris himself was abducted from his own time – shot down in WWII, and shot forward seventy years in time, stranded far from his wartime sweetheart Geoff and his Lancaster bomber crew.

When the inevitable happens and Ben is abducted, he finds himself a major player in a game of elven politics that may lead to the invasion of Britain.

Chris has to convince the police he didn’t just murder Ben and hide the body. Determined not to lose another sweetheart to the elves’ treachery, he presses the ghosts of his old crew back into action for a rescue attempt.

But Geoff isn’t dead at all – he’s been on ice in Elfland all this time. Now he has a dragon and he’s not afraid to use it. If only he could be entirely sure which of the elf queens is the real enemy—the one whose army is poised to take back planet Earth for elf-kind.

In the cataclysmic battle to come, more than one lover—human and elf alike—may forced to make the ultimate sacrifice.

~

New Blurb

The fairies at the bottom of the garden are coming back with an army.

Ben is a modern, sceptical man but the fairies are trying to abduct him. When he hires Chris’s paranormal defence agency to protect him, he doesn’t expect to fall in love.

Chris is a refugee from his own time. He’s lost one lover to the elves already. Terrified, but determined that this time he’ll do better, he promises Ben that the elves will get him over his dead body.

If only that wasn’t looking so likely.

Under The Hill was voted Best Multicultural Fantasy 2013 in the mm romance Swirl Awards. Previously presented in two books, this new edition has the whole story in one volume. If you love KJ Charles’ Green Men and Magpie Lord books, you’ll love this.

Buy Under The Hill now and prepare to be enchanted.

~*~*~
Basically the advice was to simplify everything, focus on the characters, cut as much as you possibly could cut and include a clear call to action at the end. And considering that Amazon now only gives you about 200 words above the cut, you’ve really got no space to work with. Making it short is the way to go. What do you think?

Mirrored from Alex Beecroft - Author of Gay Romance.

Comments

[green_knight]

Your new tagline is awesome - 'won blah blah award' and a list of generic items did not draw me in. (I glossed over the fighter planes. Which kind of defies the object.)

I did, however, perk right up at 'ghosts of Lancaster bomber squad' and would like to see them back in the blurb, just for added 'this is not your average Faerie tale' flavour.

All in all, the new version is much better - it raises interest, gives more details, and then places the book in the market.

[alex_beecroft]

Hee! Thank you, that's really good news. It's good to know that the 'how to write a synopsis' book was worth buying. I seem to spend a lot of money on learning how to self-publish more professionally, and I don't always profit from it :)

I wish I could figure out a way of keeping the 'Dragons versus Lancaster bombers' thing in. Maybe that could be my tagline instead?

[watervole]

I agree that keeping a mention of the Lancaster would be good.

But the rest is so much better!

Maybe "prepare to be enchanted by the ghost of a Lancaster Bomber" (but that pulls focus away from the characters).

I know the Lancaster was a factor (though not the only) in my buying the book.

[alex_beecroft]

Thank you :) I can't figure out how to get the Lancaster in, because it's a different level of specificity to the rest of the thing. But the cover art has a WWII airman on it, so that may have to be enough, unfortunately.

[duskpeterson]

I think the rewrite is excellent. The older blurb was so complex that I couldn't keep track of what was going on. Also, in the new one, you've used the standard format for a romance blurb, which tells me right away what genre I'm reading. I wasn't sure with the older blurb.

[potboy]

Thank you! Yes, I was trying to summarize a book which is so long and complicated that my romance publishers split it into two books to better fit the genre. (Which turned out not to be a good idea.) The Sizzling Synopsis book gave me the advice to just leave entire swathes out. Which should have been something I could figure out myself, but somehow it hadn't clicked until then.

[watervole]

The second one is much better. The opening line - The fairies at the bottom of the garden are coming back with an army. - really catches the eye.

[alex_beecroft]

*G* Thanks! I liked that tagline myself. It's actually from the oldest edition of Bomber's Moon, but a bit of recycling won't hurt anyone :)